How Mario Got Caught in the First Place!
by 12345678910111213141516171819
Summary: The Luigi's Mansion Prequels! After 125 million years this fanfic is being updated and yes, chapter 1 is real this time. I have revised it a couple of times and the way it is now is the best and my favorite.
1. How Mario Got Caught In The First Place!

**--Some guy turns on a bullhorn and starts speaking through it.**

**The Fanfiction Gawd: "Guard, please send the author to me immediately."**

**--2 minutes later. A person in a striped apron stumbles into the room. The Fanfiction Gawd stands with his back towards him.**

**The Fanfiction Gawd: "Smithy, I've been following your work for a few years now and I've noticed a trend. You start a story and then you...what the...what did you do!? Where's Smithy?"**

**Person: "This isn't him?"**

**The Fanfiction Gawd: "No that's a pile of trash from Dunkin Donuts."**

**Person: "Oops."**

**--3 minutes later. The person in the striped apron enters the room again but this time with Smithy.**

**The Fanfiction Gawd: "Smithy, I've been following your work for a few years now and I've noticed a trend. You start a story and then you just leave it all willy-nilly like deodorant in autumn."**

**Smithy: "...?"**

**The Fanfiction Gawd: "There is one particular story, 'How Mario Got Caught In The First Place' I think it's called. You implied that you would update eventually. That was two years ago. All the people who read your fic are gone or are in prison. Do you have any questions."**

**Smithy: "Yeah, who the hell are you and why do you look like Gilbert Gottfried's twin brother?"**

**The Fanfiction Gawd: "Wh-wh-what!? How could you have possibly known that Gilbert Gottfried is my broth...........Oh nevermind. Smithy, I am the surveyor all fanfiction, I am the FANFICTION GAWD!"**

**Smithy: "Sacriligeous!"**

**The Fanfiction Gawd: "What do you mean? Oh right, the gawd part. It's actually spelled G-A-W-D, not G-O-D."**

**Smithy: "Oh, makes sense. Wouldn't want to get sued by Bush Jr."**

**The Fanfiction Gawd: "Yeah, no point getting done in by that crackhead."**

**Smithy: "Heh heh, yeah. Well see you around."**

**The Fanfiction Gawd: "GET BACK HERE!"**

**Smithy: "Damn."**

**The Fanfiction Gawd: "Sit over there and start writing. You're not leaving my throne room until you've finished everything."**

**Smithy: "...Pfft....throne room. Looks more like a restroom."**

* * *

Chapter 1: How Mario Got Caught In The First Place -The REMIX!-

* * *

(A/N: This is the prequel to Luigi's Mansion.) 

--Mario and Luigi walked into their pad and plopped themselves on the couch, exhausted.

Luigi: "You were right brother. After all that and the only thing that Princess Peach gave us was a cake. And it was stale."

Mario: "That's because it's the same cake from when I saved her from Bowser and the paintings."

Luigi: "Dump that broad."

Mario: "Yes sir, right away sir!"

Luigi's Brain: "I really wished he'd quit doing that."

Mario: "Hey, do you hear that brother. It sounds like someone is going through our mail!"

--Mario walks over to the door and opens it. We see Yoshi neck deep into the brothers mail box.

Mario: "Oh hello...thief."

Yoshi: "ACK! Mario, um, uh, look you got some some letters, and I was just about to bring it to...you guys."

Mario: "That's funny, I could have sworn that you were trying to steal our mail again."

Yoshi: -_gasp-_ "What would ever make you think that I'd do that, or if I ever did it at all."

Mario: "I think it was the time when you were high on drugs and started shouting that you were stealing our mail."

Yoshi: "I thought you said you'd never bring that up!"

Mario: "I never said that! You must have dreamed that during your drug frenzy."

Luigi: "Ha!"

Yoshi: "Shut up, Luigi!"

--Luigi shot straight up and took a watch from out of his pocket. He was about something that some would say was abusive. But then Luigi remembered that he was too lazy and tired and fell on the couch again. He put the watch deep into his pocket.

Mario: "So Yoshi, if you haven't been stealing our mail, then can you explain what has happened to our missing issues of _Kart Digest_?"

Yoshi: "I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR INTERROGATION NATION IS UNDER CONTROL AND DO, YOU, KNOW, THE WAY TO I DON'T HAVE A CLUE LEAVE ME ALONE FOR THE REST WHY ARE YOU MAD I HEART APPLEBEES. NO NO NO WHOOOOA! AAAAAAAAH!"

--Yoshi ran away screaming.

Mario: "Mail stealer."

--Mario slammed the door and looked through the mail. His eyes beamed. That caught Luigi's interest.

Luigi: "What's up?"

Mario: "It's a letter from our father!"

Luigi: "Oh boy!"

--It was a letter from Shigeru Miyamoto. This is what it said...

**Dear Mario Bros.**

**How are you? That's great! I have a new, exciting adventure for both of you that will be both fun and sc-a-a-ry. You must try to escape a crazy haunted house while investigating a rich family that all died there for some reason...yeah. Happy hunting?**

**(You must report to the newly built house on the map. And don't dilly-dally like you did last time, or I swear I will beat you two so senseless that y...)**

Mario: "Well, we won't bother to read the rest. Let's just follow our father's wisdom and go beat Koopa once again."

Luigi: "I thought he wrote something about a haunted house."

Mario: "Isn't it all the same thing?"

* * *

--Mario and Luigi jumped out of the warp pipe and landed on the sidewalk. Looking around they noticed that there wasn't much of anything, though there were loads of trash floating in the wind. Mario looks at and admires the sign he made, which read "Mario's Mansion". 

Luigi: "Dang brother, look at how dirty this place is!"

Mario: "Oh yeah baby.................wait a minute, what?"

Luigi: "Mario, stop daydreaming! We're not even using that sign."

Mario: "Yes sir, whatever you say sir!"

Luigi: -_groan-_

--The Mario Bros. reached their destination, a tall, creaky house that looked like it would fall at any minute. Luigi pounded on the door.

Luigi: "Open up!"

--The door swung open by itself. The Mario Bros. walked inside and saw two ghosts, GameBoo and Boogie, floating about, not doing much of anything. It kind of reminded Luigi of Mario.

GameBoo: **-unenthused-** "Oh wow, the Mario Bros."

Boogie: **-unenthused-** "Yay. Where is the remote."

Mario: "Hi Boos. So what's going on?"

GameBoo: "Nothing. What are you doing here?"

Mario: "I'm pretty sure we're supposed to have an adventure here, me and my brother."

GameBoo: "..."

Mario: "Isn't that why you're here?"

GameBoo: "I don't know. I'll ask King Boo."

--GameBoo disappeared and then rematerialized with King Boo next to him.

Boogie: "COOL! Will you teach me how to do that?"

GameBoo: "No."

Mario: "Excuse me, uh, Mr. King Boo...sir. Do you have any idea what is going on?"

King Boo: "Me and my crew were sent letters from Miyamoto-san saying we had to be at this location. That's all I know. We're just hanging around waiting for something to happen."

Mario: "Actually I saw some of your friends flying around outside."

Luigi: "Um, Mario..."

King Boo: "You mean the Boos?"

Mario: "Yeah the ghosts, all flying about in the wind."

King Boo: "Those aren't ghosts, those are grocery bags!"

Mario: "Oh...that explains why they had the words Pathmart on their heads..."

Luigi: "Mario, I need to tell..."

Mario: "So does anyone know what the heck is going on? Are we having an adventure or what?"

GameBoo: "Maybe we should start hitting each other?"

Boogie: "You go ahead. I'm still trying to find the remote."

GameBoo: "I think you ate it."

Boogie: "Noooooooooooo!"

King Boo: "PRECIOUS TELEVISION!"

Luigi: "Everyone SHUT YOUR CAKE HOLES.

Boogie: "I don't eat cake so nyah!

Luigi: "Whatever! Look the truth is that Miyamoto never wrote those letters to you. I did!"

Everyone: "WHAAAAA!"

Luigi: "I forged letter after letter claiming to be Shigeru Miyamoto in a brilliant and calculated scheme to get you all in this house. You see I've only had one game to my name. That game is called Mario is Missing and everyone except for a few people hate it. This is my chance to star in a solid game for once in my life. So what I'm saying is that I need all of you to be in my game. I need for you to be in _Luigi's Mansion._"

Mario: "It's not happening."

Luigi: "...!"

Mario: "Do you really think I'd let you star in a good game and let you take glory away from me? Especially after I made this Mario's Mansion sign?"

Luigi: "I never said you had a choice."

--Luigi took out his pocket watch and swung it back and forth in front of Mario's face.

Luigi: "You are getting sleepy, very very sleepy."

Mario: "What the heck do you think you're ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ."

Luigi: "Good. Mario when you wake up you will realize that you captured by a hoard of ghosts."

Mario: deadpan voice "I was captured by a hoard of ghosts."

--The Boos looked on in astonishment at what just happened.

GameBoo: "Did you just...hypnotize him?"

Luigi: "Yep, and it wasn't the first time if you were wondering. I've hypnotized my brother at least half a dozen times. Sometimes it was out of spite. Sometimes it was for revenge. Sometimes it was because it was really funny when I did it."

--Luigi puts the pocket watch away as he half winces at his memories.

Luigi: "I've hypnotized Mario to be my butler a couple of times but I always felt sad doing that. Even now, Mario still says 'Yes sir, right away sir' a lot because the process wasn't fully reversed. Stuff like that gets really annoying and I don't feel using hypnosis often, just when it's necessary, like now."

Boogie: "You're mad. Absolutely mad!"

Luigi: "You mean mad as in crazy, right? Probably. Can someone imprison my brother before he wakes up and goes nuts?"

--The Boos float backwards.

Boogie: "I'm not sure about that..."

--Luigi took his pocket watch back out in an instant. He swung it back and forth in front of GameBoo and Boogie.

Luigi: "GameBoo and Boogie, you must pick up my brother and imprison him somewhere. And then you will slap each other senseless."

GameBooBoogie: **-deadpan voice-** "We must imprison Mario and then slap each other senseless for no reason at all."

King Boo: "What is the meaning of this! You have no right to..."

--Luigi was already swinging the pocket watch in front of the royal ghostness.

Luigi: "King Boo you must act as the evil villain of the game, do you understand?"

King Boo: **-deadpan voice-** "Yes I understand, I am the evil villain."

--King Boo floats away and disappears into the wall. Luigi gets to thinking about how much work it will be to hypnotize all the Boos and get everything set up. He will probably have to put some of the Boos to work. Just then he spotted a balding man scratching his butt a lot. Luigi started swinging the watch once again.

Luigi: "YOU, the guy scratching his rear. You will now be known as Professor E. Gadd, an eccentric inventor who builds vacuums and stuff."

Guy: **-deadpan voice-** "I am Professor E. Gadd, an eccentric inventor."

Luigi: "Also you gotta stop scratching your butt."

Guy: **-deadpan voice-** "I can't make any promises."

--The guy also walks toward the wall like King Boo did. Unfortunately he is not a ghost so he slams into the wall and falls to the ground. Luigi shrugs.

Luigi: "This is a going to be a tough job, but someone has to manipulate everyone to get what I want."

* * *

**Smithy: "Yes! I'm finally finished."**

**The Fanfiction Gawd: "Hooray!.....er, um I mean, it's about time. Let me read it. "**

**Smithy: "Here it is. Can I leave now? This place smells."**

**The Fanfiction Gawd: "Smells good or smells bad?"**

**Smithy: "What do you think?"**

**The Fanfiction Gawd: "I think it's an acquired taste."**

**-- The person in the striped apron re-enters the room with another person who is nicely dressed. This new person is the manager.**

**Person: "That's the man. He calls himself 'The Fanfiction Gawd' for some reason. He said he'd give me money if I did things for him, but he hasn't given me anything."**

**Manager: "Okay, hello...sir? Do you realize where you are right now?"**

**The Fanfiction Gawd: "Of course I do! I am in my throne room, which is located in my flying castle in space. And may I ask why you are trespassing on my property? Guards, seize him!"**

**Manager: "......Riiiiiight.......Mr. Gawd, or whatever you call yourself, this is not a castle floating in space. This is White Castle. You know, the restaurant? A stack of ten?"**

**Smithy: "Ten what?"**

**Manager: "Burgers."**

**Smithy: "Oh right."**

**Manager: "And another thing, this isn't your throne room, it is the restaurant's bathroom. And this person you keep referring to as your guard is a cashier, named Pat, who has a real job, unlike you."**

**The Fanfiction Gawd: "Spurious! Spurious, spurious, spurious! This must be a plan to trick me into giving away my powers!"**

**Manager: "Look you bum, you don't have any powers except to cause annoyance. And just because you are in a place that looks like a castle doesn't mean it is actually a castle. Now please leave now before I have you escorted out by police! "**

**The Fanfiction Gawd?: "Hey man, all you had to do was ask. Bye."**

**Pat: "Have a nice day."**

**Manager: "Pat..............don't."**

**Smithy: "Hey, so since I'm a victim in all this, does this mean I get to have free food?"**

**Manager: "No."**

(A/N: I was only kidding about those last few comments. White Castle sux and I would never accept free food from them.)


	2. Peach's Mansion

(A/N: This is a prequel to the prequel in the last chapter.)  
  
Peach's Mansion (the remix)  
  
*****  
  
--Before Peach ruled over the Mushroom Kingdom from her castle, she ruled from a mansion. She lived there with her Mushroom Retainer, Toad. The mansion made her very happy, but there was one problem...  
  
Peach: Bllaaaaargggg!  
  
Toad: I'll get the mop.  
  
--Ever since she moved in she couldn't stop barfing, and they couldn't figure out what it was that made her want to barf so much. She just did it over and over and over again.  
  
Peach: Blllaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrggg!  
  
--They didn't want to go through the walls to see what's wrong though, that'd ruin the mansion, they just lived as if it was normal.  
  
Toad: Peach, the residents are getting antsy. They're saying that plants aren't growing as well because there's something wrong with the ground.  
  
Peach: Okay......so......?  
  
Toad: ...So do something about it, you're the ruler.  
  
Peach: Why do I have to do something? Don't we have a minister of agriculture or Bllaaaaargggg!  
  
Toad: ...  
  
Peach: Toad it happened again!  
  
Toad: I can see that. And it happened in mid-sentence...yuck.  
  
Peach: (sigh) I just can't figure out why this is happening.  
  
Toad: We both know it has something to do with the mansion, why don't we just leave?  
  
Peach: No! I don't want to leave! I can't! It's so precious...and yet it came so cheap.  
  
Toad: (to himself) Oh give me a f&%$'in break...  
  
Peach: What was that Toad?  
  
Toad: Oh noth...  
  
Peach: Bllaaaaargggg!  
  
Toad: ...  
  
Peach: Yikes...that was a messy one...well chop-chop Toad.  
  
Toad: What is that supposed to mean?  
  
Peach: It means hurry up and start mopping. It can't just sit here all day like the rest of the puddles here. This one already smells like a dead moose.  
  
Toad: You know what Princess, you can do that yourself.  
  
Peach: Huh? You mean me...do it myself?  
  
Toad: Yes you! I don't want to do your dirty work anymore!  
  
Peach: But Toad, you're my slave.  
  
Toad: ......  
  
Peach: Well that's basically what you are....  
  
Toad: I......I'm your slave. That's what you think of me? I thought I was the Mushroom Retainer!  
  
Peach: Mushroom Retainers are just slaves. You know it and I know it. Now clean up my vomit.  
  
Toad: I can't believe you could be so cruel. Why would you...  
  
--Peach blew chunks right in Toad's face.  
  
Toad: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!  
  
--Toad stomped out of the mansion and left Peach behind. Angry, Peach got the mop and bucket and cleaned up her vomit.  
  
Peach: ....Stupid Toad....Don't need him....I can clean up my own Bllaaaaargggg....Damn, I did it again Bllaaaaargggg....Arrgh, at this rate I'll never finish Bllllllaaaaaaaaaarggggg!  
  
--Peach began sobbing because she couldn't stop barfing. That made her want to barf more, which made her cry more. She barfed and cried until she finally calmed down and cleaned up the floor.  
  
Peach: Okay all I have to do is not throw-up. It's not really all that Bllllllaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrgggg!  
  
Mansion: STOP IT!  
  
Peach: ...Who said that?  
  
Mansion: I DID!  
  
Peach: Where are you? I can't see you!  
  
Mansion: Of course you can see me I'm the mansion you screwed up wench! And I have to say that you are without a doubt the grossest, most disgusting human to ever live inside of me.  
  
Peach: I'm Speechless!  
  
Mansion: Now if only you could be barfless.  
  
......  
  
......  
  
......  
  
......crickets......crickets......crickets....  
  
Mansion: THIS REMIX SUCKS!  
  
Peach: Well you're not all that funny.  
  
Mansion: I can't believe you just said that considering you want to live in me!  
  
Peach: I'm just being honest. You're not funny.  
  
Mansion: Well you can't live here if you're gonna say that I'm not funny all day long.  
  
Peach: NO! Uh...you're funny...(cough)...  
  
Mansion: Fine. You can't barf anymore either.  
  
Peach: I won't.  
  
--Peach went over to the side and wrapped tape around her mouth several times over. And than she poured crazy glue over the tape. And then she stapled it. And then she spread wet gravel over the entire mouthpiece.  
  
Mansion: It won't make a difference. You won't last.  
  
Peach: Mmah Mwe Mu Mmwimle Mhaham.  
  
Mansion: And don't you know how unhealthy that is, to keep your barf juice inside. Your body is going to explode and I'm going to have to deal with it.  
  
Peach: Mwamemer Mhaham.  
  
--Peach decided to pass the time by reading some of her favorite books. She pulled over a chair and started with the instruction manual for "Super Mario Kart". When she reached the part about red shells her cheeks began to puff.  
  
Mansion: Oh no. I know what that means.  
  
--The mouthpiece started to shake violently.  
  
Mansion: NO! GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT!  
  
--The mouthpiece broke.  
  
Peach: BLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGG!  
  
Mansion: AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHH!  
  
--The mansion tilted forward and stayed there until Peach crashed through front doors. The mansion stood up again and slowly lumbered away.  
  
Peach: Wait! Don't leave me!  
  
Mansion: Uh oh.  
  
--The mansion picked up speed and so did Peach until they were both running down the street.  
  
Peach: Come back!  
  
Mansion: No!  
  
Peach: But...  
  
Mansion: I don't want to hear it!  
  
--Peach couldn't keep up with the mansion as it got further and further away, fading into the distance. The mansion continued to get as far away as possible until it reached a mountain cliff.  
  
Mansion: (wiping the sweat off its brow) Phew! I finally lost her.  
  
--But before the mansion could say anything else a shadow loomed over it. When it turned around Peach was standing on a higher cliff her hair ragged and her dress messed up.  
  
Peach: You can't get away that easily.  
  
Mansion: You again!  
  
--Peach leapt from her cliff and landed on the mansion, causing both of them to tumble over the mountain. They grabbed onto a ledge midfall, the Mansion and Peach hanging on for dear life.  
  
Mansion: I can't believe this happening! This is all your fault Peach!  
  
Peach: It's your fault because you ran away!  
  
Mansion: It's your fault for barfing all the damn day long!  
  
Peach: It's your fault for making me barf! I don't know what it is but there is something in you that makes me feel ill.  
  
Mansion: Don't blame me, blame my shoddy construction!  
  
Peach: Construction.....?  
  
--Suddenly the ledge broke. They spiraled down further and further until they landed in a marsh.  
  
Mansion: ...  
  
Peach: ...Urgh...uh...  
  
--After a few moments a lone shadow walks through the mist and into the swamp. The person picks up Peach in his tiny yet firm arms.  
  
Toad: I know I was a little upset but I'm over it now. You and I both know that we must never part..........MY LOVING BRIDE!  
  
--Creepy organ music starts to play as Toad carries Peach out of the swamp and disappears into the mist.  
  
*****  
  
The End 


End file.
